


Be Nice to the Wait Staff

by wannnabesuper



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Restaurant, M/M, Meet-Ugly, waiter!Remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 09:30:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14517519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannnabesuper/pseuds/wannnabesuper
Summary: Inspired by the instagram @overheardbumble:"I ended the date early because he was rude to the waiter.""Ugh, I hate that.""I know...But I ended up going home with the waiter, so it was worth it."





	Be Nice to the Wait Staff

“Remind me again why we don’t dump drinks on patrons,” Remus grumbled, customer service smile dropping the instant he stepped through the kitchen doors.

“Because they’re the ones who pay the tips,” Lily sing-songed, breezing past him in a flash of red hair. As usual, she was carrying more plates than her small frame suggested was physically possible.

“I kind of doubt this asshole is going to tip,” Remus replied, even though she was long gone. He grabbed his dishes off the staging table, pasted his genial smile back on, and braved the dining room once more.

Working as a waiter in a high-end restaurant wasn’t exactly a childhood dream come true, but tips in a place where the cheapest entrees cost three days of work on minimum wage were enough to keep him afloat while he struggled through his post-university crisis period. The wait staff was a mix of people like Remus and Lily – young, trying to pay the bills while they figured out where they were going with their lives – and Alastor, the terrifying head waiter who had been at the restaurant since the beginning despite his apparent utter lack of customer service skills.

Normally, customers at the restaurant were demanding, expecting top service for their money, and the wait staff understood this and held themselves to extremely rigorous standards. In his year at the restaurant, Remus had seen over two dozen waiters cycle through, falling short of the high bar set by the customers and the rest of the staff. He had nearly quit himself, in his first week, but had managed to settle into a groove that it took a lot to disrupt.

Rich Asshole was disrupting Remus’s groove.

“I just don’t understand why the wait is so long,” Rich Asshole whined. “I put the orders in nearly half an hour ago, look, I set a timer on my phone.”

Instead of mentioning how reasonable the wait time was, yelling “who DOES that?” about the timer, or pointing out how many other tables are currently in his section, Remus ratcheted up the charm.

“I do apologize for the inconvenience, sir, our kitchen staff is shorthanded tonight; the sous chef’s wife just had a baby.”

This was true, and made the fact that the kitchen was working so fast even more impressive. Not that Rich Asshole seemed inclined to give credit where credit was due. But still, who wasn’t charmed by newborn babies?

“I fail to see how that’s any concern of mine,” Rich Asshole sneered, proving that apparently HE was not charmed by newborn babies. “And it’s not as if the sous chef had the baby, really, why is he there? He should be here, serving paying customers.”

In a rare turn of events, Remus couldn’t think of any polite response. Rich Asshole, however, did not seem to expect one, as he waved a hand dismissively in Remus’s direction.

“That will be all,” he said pointedly, then, without lowering his voice at all, complained to his companion “honestly, hovering like that, doesn’t he know how offputting he is?”

Remus was back through the kitchen doors before the companion could reply. Fortunately he had a few free minutes – even fury wasn’t enough to blind him to checking his other tables on his way through, Remus was a goddamn professional – to get his temper under control.

The hostess had given Remus an apologetic look after guiding the pair to his section, earning them an instant subtle once-over. Rich Asshole had immediately looked like the problem, fitting too many red-flag stereotypes Remus had unfortunately seen proven right far too often. Giant, expensive watch being waved around with unnecessary arm gestures? Check. Conflicting brands on jacket, tie pin, shoes, and glasses because cost mattered more than aesthetic? Check. Obnoxiously ostentatious pinky ring better abandoned in the 80s? Check. Loud voice that was _just_ quiet enough that the next tables would hear everything being said but wouldn’t be justified complaining about it? Check. Too much cologne? CHECK.

Remus’s suspicions had unfortunately been proven immediately right as Rich Asshole cut off his introduction to order a drink with unnecessary extra instructions. As if the bartender in a place like this wouldn’t know how to make a good martini. Especially with all the customers like Rich Asshole, who seemed to have decided that James Bond was the height of sophistication.

The companion – possibly date, given the way Rich Asshole had walked in with a possessive hand on the other man’s lower back – had been overall unproblematic, though that could have been because Rich Asshole didn’t give him a chance to speak. It was a shame the companion kept such terrible company, though, since he was the prettiest human Remus had seen in a long time.

Hot Quiet Guy was dressed well, in deference to the restaurant dress code, but he exuded casual elegance in a way Rich Asshole could only dream of. Hot Quiet Guy’s suit was clearly bespoke, and his long black hair was effortlessly styled in a way that accentuated his aristocratic bone structure and flawless skin. In a way, it might be lucky Rich Asshole was taking up all of Remus’s attention, or he might just spend all his time at the table drooling over Hot Quiet Guy.

As he delivered the anniversary dessert special to another one of his tables – an adorable old couple celebrating 25 years together while also managing not to be raging dickbags to the waitstaff – Remus was surprised to hear fingers snapping loudly in his direction. The old couple looked appalled at this breach of manners in a fine dining establishment, but Remus smiled reassuringly at them and responded to Rich Asshole’s summons.

“About TIME,” Rich Asshole grumbled. “My martini glass has been bone dry for ages, what do they even pay you for?” The martini glass in question still, in fact, had about half a swallow of liquid and an olive in it, but Remus swept it up and away with an apology before Rich Asshole could say anything else.

“I will not throw this on a customer,” he growled, earning a wry chuckle from Frank, the bartender.

“One of those nights, eh?” he asked.

“Just one of those…customers,” Remus replied, replacing his far more colorful epithet at the last second as a middle-aged couple came to sit at the bar. “Thanks Frank.”

He brought the drink to the table immediately, knowing any possible delay would result in further griping. Rich Asshole, unsurprisingly, had found something to complain about anyway.

“It’s so nice that you think so little of your customers’ time that you can shoot the breeze with the bartender,” he said. “Do you have any idea whose time you’re wasting?”

“That’s _enough_ ,” growled Hot Quiet Guy. Remus and Rich Asshole looked at him in surprise.

“What.” Rich Asshole had clearly not been expecting anything but passive agreement from his date, and looked even more irritated by this new interruption to his complaints.

“I said that’s enough,” Hot Quiet Guy continued, voice even and smooth, though it was pitched perfectly to carry in the quiet space. Remus vaguely noted several nearby tables trying to subtly watch the unfolding drama. “I was hesitant about this date because you text like a jerk, but I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt because honestly, it's been awhile since I've been out on a nice date. However, you’ve been nothing but an arrogant prick the whole time we’ve been here, and the wait staff are not here for you to verbally abuse over imaginary issues. You need to pay the check, with a decent tip, and go home to think about how you got to be such a garbage bag of a human being that you need to degrade any evidence of competence you see because it’s so far removed from your pathetic excuse at contributing to society.”

“Are you serious?” Rich Asshole gaped. Several of the surrounding tables were openly watching now, and Remus was doing no better, feeling rooted in place.

“I can’t tell if you’re asking if I’m being genuine or you’re just now realizing that you don’t know my name, because you haven’t SHUT UP this entire time!” Hot Quiet Guy – Sirius, apparently – retorted, losing some of his cool.

“How dare you, you pathetic, gold-digging, whore!” Rich Asshole yelled. Sirius raised himself even further in Remus’s esteem by fulfilling his evening-long fantasy and dumping Rich Asshole’s martini on his head.

“My trust fund and my dick are both bigger than yours,” he said coolly as Rich Asshole spluttered. “Thanks for the worst first date ever. I’ll be going now; don’t ever speak to me again.”

It would have been an incredible exit, except Rich Asshole managed to get to his feet at the same time, swinging a wild punch at Sirius’s face. The stupid ostentatious pinky ring caught one of Sirius’s beautiful cheekbones and turned what should have been a glancing blow into a very solid reason for Remus to tackle Rich Asshole to the floor.

Several people applauded lightly as Remus sat on the struggling asshole, whose anger and gym membership were no match for the muscles Remus had developed carrying laden plates and furniture for twelve hours a day. Still, Remus was more than happy to hand the man over to Kingsley, their hulking pastry chef who had put himself through patisserie school as a bouncer in a rough part of town.

As Kingsley led the man away to wait for the cops and the rest of the wait staff buzzed around calming down the dining room, Remus turned his attention to Sirius, who had started to bleed. Mother hen instincts kicking in, Remus shepherded the shorter man to the break room, holding a cloth napkin to his cheek the entire way. Given the number of dangerous things in the kitchen and general tendency for small wounds, a basket of first aid supplies was a permanent fixture on the break room table. Remus sat Sirius down and began tending to the wound.

“You don’t look like you’ll need stitches, but if you like we can have a paramedic come check you out,” he offered, trying not to be distracted by Sirius’s incredible eyes. Honestly, who needed eyelashes like that?

“I’m sure I’ll be quite satisfied with whatever patch-up you give me,” Sirius replied. “Thank you, by the way.”

“Well I couldn’t just let you bleed on our white tablecloths,” Remus managed, reverting to his usual defense of light sarcasm. He was _not_ going to let this beautiful man make him blush.

“Instead you’ve let me bleed on your uniform,” Sirius pointed out, catching Remus’s wrist to indicate the flecks of blood on his sleeve.

“I’m almost off shift,” Remus manfully did not stammer. “It’ll wash out.” Sirius hadn’t let go of his wrist.

“Sorry to end your shift on a low note.”

“Honestly, I’d been wanting to throw a drink on that asshole since he arrived, so the worst part is that you got hurt.” Remus managed an honest smile at this, and Sirius grinned in reply.

"At least after this my best friend won't get to bully me into any more dates."

"I wouldn't think you'd have any trouble finding dates," Remus blurted out, incredibly aware of how close their faces were.

“That’s sweet,” Sirius purred, leaning closer. His grin had definitely taken a more salacious tone, and Remus was definitely blushing. 

“Would you like to give a statement to the cops?” Alastor asked, glaring from the doorway. Sirius and Remus startled apart, and Alastor continued as though he hadn’t interrupted anything. “If you want to press assault charges you can, otherwise he’s just getting a disturbance of the peace charge.”

“I’d honestly rather avoid the hassle,” Sirius admitted. “I’ll just be on my way once I’ve settled the bill.”

“Oh, no, that…gentleman… is definitely paying,” Alastor said, as close to smiling as he ever got. It was a mildly frightening expression. “He’s leaving a good tip, too.”

“Thanks,” Remus murmured, reluctantly straightening from where he’d been leaning over Sirius’s seated form. “I should get back on the floor.”

“No, you’re done for the night,” Alastor corrected. “Your shift was almost done anyway, just get out of here and I’ll clock you out at ten.”

“Thanks,” Remus said again, this time with a smile. Alastor wasn’t always generous, so he immediately began gathering his things before his boss changed his mind. This meant he missed the floor manager’s last words to Sirius, and found himself alone with the handsome customer.

“On your way out, then?” Sirius asked, still handsome despite the iodine smear and gauze on his cheek.

“Yeah, and you?” Remus didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he unnecessarily straightened some supplies in the first aid basket.

“Since my date was a bust, I think I’ll go for ice cream,” Sirius replied, grinning that wicked grin again. “Care to join me?”

“You don’t have to make it up to me,” Remus blurted.

“What?”

“Just because your date was rude,” he clarified. “You don’t have to be extra nice to me. Rude customers happen, and Alastor said I’ll be getting a tip, so you don’t have to make it up to me.”

“Okayyyy,” Sirius drawled. “So what if I had a shitty time and want to go for ice cream with the person who treated me the best all day?”

Remus smiled shyly. “In that case, where did you have in mind?”

* * *

 

Remus was woken up the next day by an unfamiliar ringtone, and Sirus's grumbling as he disentangled himself from Remus to answer it. 

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm not dead, I was sleeping," Sirius grumbled in reply to the greeting from the other end of the line. Remus resettled so he could both lean on and admire Sirius's body at the same time. Sirius absently kissed the crown of his head to show his approval.

"No, that dude was an absolute wanker," Sirius told whoever had called him. "I cut the date short because he was rude to the wait staff."

The other person said something that made Sirius huff a laugh, and he gave Remus an undeniably fond look.

"I'd say it was definitely still worth it," he said. "I got to go home with the waiter."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Like the summary says, I saw that instagram post and immediately wanted to make it about Sirius and Remus. As usual, this was written quickly and not overly edited, which is why it's short and has very little extra details. Also, if you don't follow any of the @overheard instagram accounts, you're missing out, they're hilarious.


End file.
